


not my feelings

by mydickisthealpha



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, makoto is perfect always, rin is lame and struggles with emotions, sousuke is a smug asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 07:16:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2182785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydickisthealpha/pseuds/mydickisthealpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The rest of practice is ridiculous, because no matter how much he tries, he can’t keep from watching Makoto, can’t keep from straining to hear his voice or his laughter, can’t keep from being distracted. His team keeps asking him if he’s okay, and he’s getting irritated by the whole situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not my feelings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ronaldknox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ronaldknox/gifts).



> tachibanamakotos said:  
> how about rin being in denial about liking mako?

It’s impossible, and Rin will not entertain anymore thoughts about it. The end. That’s it. He crosses his arms for full effect, eyebrows furrowing.

His eyes shift over to Iwatobi’s swim team anyway, because his self-preservation skills have always been pretty shitty (see: ‘Australia Spider Incident: Parts I, II, & III’), pausing on the captain. Makoto is laughing at Rei, whose face is a brilliant shade of red, most likely from something Nagisa has said. Makoto’s torso is bare, chiseled, lithe frame

accentuated by the droplets of water tracing down his skin. The black of his swimsuit hugs his lower half, strong thigh muscles shifting as he moves. His eyes are shining, warm and open. He looks wonderful—

-ly _stupid_ , Rin thinks, clicking his tongue and turning away from the sight, only to meet Sousuke’s calculating gaze.

“ _What_?” Rin asks roughly, unable to help the blush that spreads across his face. Sousuke doesn’t reply, simply raising an eyebrow, his line of sight shifting to just behind him. Rin tenses as Sousuke narrows his eyes.

“A… AI,” Rin yells in distraction, stomping over to his underclassman. He doesn’t want to see Sousuke’s smug grin, nor does he want to see his, ‘this is a distraction what are you doing’ face. Ai jumps, fumbling with his goggles as he’s taking them off. He drops them, face flushed, apologizing.

The rest of practice is ridiculous, because no matter how much he tries, he can’t keep from watching Makoto, can’t keep from straining to hear his voice or his laughter, can’t keep from being distracted. His team keeps asking him if he’s okay, and he’s getting irritated by the whole situation.

When practice is over, he dismisses everyone back to their dorm rooms, and walks over to his group of friends.

“Riiiin,” Nagisa shouts, latching onto him with a strength that’s decidedly unnatural. Rei looks like he’s about to have a conniption, appalled that Nagisa’s he even allowed to touch Rin.

“Rin,” Makoto greets, coming up close. He offers a dazzling grin, and Rin short circuits— _DOESN’T_ short circuit. There is no reason why he would be short circuiting. That’s a stupid grin on Makoto’s stupid, pretty— NOT PRETTY—face.

“You all looked good today, you’re working really hard,” he says, being completely honest. They do look like they’re giving it their all. “I can’t wait to compete.”

“Ah, but Rin, you always want to compete,” Makoto teases, and Rin laughs.

“Makoto,” Haru interrupts, solemn as ever, a prompt if Rin’s ever seen one.

“I guess Haru’s ready to go,” Makoto muses, fond exasperation on his features as he watches Haru zipping up his jacket. Nagisa yelps, scrambling away to get his clothes, Rei following closely. “See you later?”

“Yeah,” Rin says softly, watching him catch up with Haru.

———-

It’s just his luck that he runs into Makoto outside of school, Sousuke and Ai right beside him.

“We’re going to see that movie too!” Nagisa cries, grabbing Ai and jumping up and down. Ai looks offended, trying to shake Nagisa off. “We can make it a group thing!”

Despite wanting to punch Nagisa in the face for suggesting it, he reluctantly agrees. They’re going to the same movie anyway, might as well sit together.

He begins to think someone has it out for him when Makoto sits right next to him, out of all places, thigh pressing against the length of his for almost two hours. He keeps leaning in to whisper things to him, despite Haru being right there. Then again, Haru seems to be bored out of his mind, so Rin doesn’t really fault Makoto for choosing to talk to him instead.

Still, Makoto’s warm breath keeps huffing against his ear, sending shiver after shiver down his spine. It’s only because it’s a weird sensation, and no other reason.

The movie ends, blessedly, and Rin tries to high tail it, but Nagisa suggests eating at a McDonalds together. When Makoto looks at them hopefully, Rin is done for, and he agrees.

He finds himself sitting next to Makoto again. Sousuke looks at him pointedly, and Rin subtly flicks him off.

“Rin?” Makoto asks quietly as the others chatter away— well, Nagisa is chatting, mostly, with Rei or Ai interjecting.

“Yeah?”

“I’m… having some trouble with my start. I know it’s not really fair to ask for your help since we’re opposing teams, but I can’t think of anyone else that could teach me well,” Makoto says, smiling apologetically. “Do you think you could help me?”

And, damn it, how can he say no?

———

“I don’t want to hear it,” Rin growls, shoving his pillow down on the bed and punching it for good measure.

“I didn’t say anything,” Sousuke says easily, from the top bunk, but there’s mirth in that tone and Rin doesn’t like it.

“I can hear what you’re thinking and I don’t care.”

“It sounds like you do care.”

“Well, I don’t, and it’s not what you think anyway,” Rin says, arms behind his head, staring blankly at the bottom of the top bunk.

“I really didn’t say anything,” Sousuke replies.

———

When everyone else clears out, Makoto stays back, legs hanging over the edge of the pool, kicking them lazily as Rin approaches.

“Thanks again, Rin. It’s really not fair for me to ask this of you.”

“Well, you’d do the same for me, I hope,” Rin answers, hands in his pockets. Makoto smiles up at him, oranges and pinks and reds playing on his face from the sunset filtering in through the glass. His eyes are sparkling, reflecting the water, and Rin has to look away.

“Hey, let’s get started, huh?” He says, pulling his jacket off and tossing it to the side.

They practice for a few hours, and Makoto’s a fast learner, taking everything he says seriously. Mostly, Rin stands at a distance, eyes taking in his form, calculating.

“No, here—,” Rin says, coming up behind him. He presses his hand on Makoto’s lower back, fingers dipping into the dimples there. He runs his hand along the length of Makoto’s left arm, bringing it into the right angle. He swallows as he adjusts his hips, holds his breath as he adjusts Makoto’s legs with his own. He steps away, hands unsteady.

“Thanks,” Makoto murmurs, before he shifts and jumps, starting perfectly.

By the time they’re dressed and Makoto’s ready to go home, Rin’s stopped shaking. Why was he even shaking?

“I should walk you to the station,” he says before he can stop himself.

“You don’t have to,” Makoto holds his hands up, eyebrows canted upwards.

“I’d like to.”

Makoto is silent for a moment, biting his lip.

“Okay.”

They walk quietly for a while, but it’s not uncomfortable. Makoto’s presence is sure, grounded in ways Rin envies at times. It’s like he’s part of the Earth, a tree rooted firmly in the ground and sprouting up and out to cover everyone from the rain. Rin himself is more like fire. If he touched Makoto, would he burn him?

“Rinrin is a good coach,” Makoto says suddenly, and Rin scowls.  
“You! Don’t call me that.”

“What should I call you then? Leader?” Makoto teases, grinning mischievously. It’s rare to see Makoto like this, but it brings back so many memories and Rin laughs despite himself.

“Well, I was right, wasn’t I? A coach is a leader!” He replies, cocky and smirking.

“I suppose you were,” Makoto laughs, “But you do make a great leader. Ai really looks up to you. So does Rei and Nagisa.”

“What about you?” Rin asks, jokingly.

“I’m proud of you,” he says, eyes somber as he looks ahead of them. “I’ve always been proud of you.”

Rin doesn’t know what to say, but the station is in front of them. Makoto turns around, facing him.

“I’m really glad you’re here, Rin.”

———-

“Fuck.”

“Hello to you, too,” Sousuke says wryly as he enters the room. Rin has the heels of his hands covering his eyes, hunching over as he sits cross legged on the bottom bunk.

“ _Fuck_.” He says again, fingers pulling at his hair.

Sousuke watches him impassively, pulling his towel from his neck.

“Why don’t you just tell him?”

Rin peers up, looking absolutely wrecked.

“He’s too important to me for me to ruin this.”

Sousuke doesn’t say anything.

———-

He kind of tries to avoid Makoto at the next practice, shutting down all attempts at conversation. He focuses solely on his team, blowing whistles, shouting direction, and answering questions. His team’s times are great, and he watches them proudly, laughing when Mikoshiba pulls Ai into the pool, unexpectedly. He’s so distracted he doesn’t see Makoto approach.

“Your team looks great too, Leader,” Makoto grins, and Rin tampers down the knee-jerk reaction to jump out of his skin. He glowers at Makoto, and the other boy frowns a bit. “Sorry, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he says, surly. He can see Sousuke watching them from his peripheral vision, and that irks him.

“A-ah, okay,” Makoto looks to the side, face reddening, “I wanted to ask you… if maybe you wanted to go to that new restaurant in town? It has a lot of spicy food, I’ve heard.”

Rin freezes, then whips around to face Makoto, arms unfolding and coming to clenched fists at his sides.

“Let’s get one thing straight, Makoto,” he says, and he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he’s vehement in denying his own feelings, “I don’t like you and I don’t want to go with you anywhere.”

It seems like time has stopped by the time he’s finished his sentence, and Makoto’s reaction hits him in slow motion. At first he looks crushed, eyes flashing with a hurt that Rin’s never seen before, something Rin realizes Makoto has done on purpose, hiding his emotions like that to keep everyone else happy. Then a weak smile plasters itself on his face, but the hurt is still there and it tears Rin apart. He didn’t mean to say that, he just—  
  
“I’m sorry to have bothered you,” Makoto says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, turning swiftly. He doesn’t go to his team, though, instead he walks into the locker room. Rin watches him, absolutely rooted to the spot. He looks helplessly at Sousuke, who shakes his head and walks away.

“Fuck,” he whispers to himself, grabbing at his chest.

He does like Makoto. He really, really likes Makoto.

———

He doesn’t really know why he’s here, hand falling away from knocking on the door. He stuffs his hands in his pockets as he hears a muffled voice. The door opens to an older woman, with soft, warm eyes, and Rin recognizes her as Makoto’s mother, from a far away time.

She looks surprised to see him at first, and then smiles kindly.

“Rin, it’s good to see you,” she says, opening the door further.

“I just would like to see Makoto— for a moment? Please.” He tacks on, feeling like a child in front of Makoto’s mother. She looks like she knows everything, and for all he knows, maybe she does.

“I’ll go get him, do you want to wait inside?”

“No, thank you, it’s not a big deal,” he answers, shuffling his feet.

“Of course, excuse me,” she shuts the door, and Rin looks toward Haru’s steps, wondering if he’s with Makoto or if he’s by himself. He wonders what it would’ve been like if he had just realized himself before he left for Australia. Would he have spent nights here? Would Makoto read him just as easily as he reads Haru? Would they all be closer, would he like Makoto… like he does now?

The door opens, and Rin swivels to look at Makoto. He looks solemn as he shuts the door behind him, not meeting Rin’s eyes as flashes a cursory smile in his general direction.

“Hey, Makoto,” Rin tries to be casual, but Makoto eyes are downcast. “Can we… go for a walk?”

“That’s fine,” Makoto answers, falling into step with him as they go down the stairs, feet tapping against the pavement. They’re silent for a while, the ocean making far away noises. The moon and street lamps light their way.

“You know, you were the first person to accept me,” Rin says, breaking the silence. “I don’t know what kind of person I would’ve been had you ignored me— if you hadn’t pushed me forward.” Rin doesn’t like being honest with his feelings, because it’s embarrassing. But he knows he needs to say this, for Makoto to understand.

“Even after I came back, when I was trying to be something I wasn’t, you still called. You still wanted to include me. For some reason, that drove me forward. You’ve always done that for me— probably for everyone,” Rin laughs lightly, “But it helped me keep moving, in it’s own way.”

Makoto doesn’t say anything, so Rin turns and stops in front of him, grabbing his shoulders. Green eyes widen, and Makoto grabs at his elbows to keep from falling backwards.

“I’ve been scared that my feelings would ruin everything. I can’t not have you in my life, Makoto,” Rin says fiercely, gripping onto the cloth of Makoto’s clothes. “I do like you, probably too much.”

He stops talking, breathing like he’d just been running, heart pounding.  
Makoto starts laughing.

He lets go of Makoto’s shoulders, shocked, but Makoto doesn’t let go of his elbows. Rin’s eyebrows furrow, face heating up.

“I’m s-sorry,” Makoto gasps eventually, “I’m sorry, don’t get angry.”

He pulls Rin forward, arms enfolding around him. Rin’s eyes widen, taking in the view over Makoto’s shoulder. Makoto pulls back, bringing his hands up to caress Rin’s jaws, touching their foreheads together.

“I was scared,” Makoto admits, eyes closed as he grins.

Rin’s face is red, but he presses his own hands to Makoto’s cheeks.

“I like you, too.”

“Y-yeah?” Is the only thing Rin can get out, eyes meeting Makoto’s as he opens them.

“Very much,” Makoto smiles, and warmth floods through Rin’s veins, and he leans forward, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss.

He pulls back, grabbing Makoto’s hands in his own, and holding them as he brings them down.

“So, about that date?” He shows his teeth in a wide grin, and Makoto laughs again.

———-

“Shut your fucking mouth, Sousuke, I swear to God,” Rin says after he hangs up the phone.

All he hears in answer is a smug chuckle.

“I’ll kill you,” he growls, as he pulls himself upwards from the bottom bunk, phone forgotten on the bed.

It has Makoto’s picture as the wallpaper.


End file.
